element artwork: Autostraddle

Welcome to
The Gay B C’s of Gender
! Monthly I’m identifying a separate sex-related term which is made use of inside the queer area. I’m creating these descriptions with help from queer archives, pop society, interviews, and a lot more. Keep in mind that language — particularly when you are looking at intercourse — varies extensively across communities, with no unmarried definition or post can encapsulate every person’s experience with these terms and conditions. Make use of this column as a jumping down point for your own personal reflection and conversation inside the comments.

From podcast brands like “contact Her Daddy” to lyrics by Beyoncé, Nicki Minaj, and Lana Del Rey, the intimate utilization of the phrase “daddy” is taking over popular news — but phoning some body “daddy” whenever they’re not the pops isn’t really exactly brand-new. People have utilized “daddy” in sensuous scenarios for hundreds of years, while the queer area played an unique character in shaping the way it’s made use of nowadays.

This term provides a long, wealthy history, so thereisn’ means i could decorate a total picture in a single line. We’ll carry out my far better provide a short history with help from daddies and daddy-lovers of history and gift.

Isn’t it time to acquire more information? Say, “Yes, Daddy.”

father (letter.) – a nice-looking (usually prominent, typically older, usually male) person otherwise a dominant companion who supplies control, caregiving, and/or mentorship in A BDSM context

“Call me daddy.”

— Nick in Season 3, Episode 2 of

The Chilling Activities of Sabrina

The Founding Daddies

sexual use of the phrase “daddy”
times no less than dating back the late seventeenth millennium. According to

The Random Home Historic Dictionary of American Slang

, sex staff members began utilizing this term to refer to “their unique pimps or to an adult male buyer” in 1681.

Afterwards, “daddy” became an acronym of “sugar father” to describe males of any age. Johnathan Green, composer of

Green’s Dictionary of Slang

told in Hook
that during the early twentieth century, a “daddy” was a person who offered women “intercourse, cash, product joys, etc.”

Daddies In Blues Songs


Blues Legacies and Dark Feminism

, Angela Davis produces, “African-American working-class argot relates to both husbands and male lovers — as well as in some cases feminine enthusiasts — as ‘my guy’ or ‘my father.'”

Through the entire 20th century, Ebony United states blues vocalists made use of this version of “daddy” (and quite often “papa”) inside their lyrics. Here is what bisexual blues artist Bessie Smith must state inside her 1923 song
“Oh Daddy Blues”

“Oh, daddy, consider when you’re all alone/

You know that you’re obtaining outdated/

You’ll skip the method I baked your jelly roll”

And check out lyrics from 1924 track
“Farewell Daddy Blues”
Ma Rainey
, another queer blues icon just who mentored Bessie Smith:

“i am untamed about my father, I want him constantly/

Crazy about my father, I want him always/

But I do not want you, daddy, basically can’t phone you my own”

Before I move forward, i do want to drive this part house: people who initially popularized the intimate and passionate utilize “daddy” were Black women, and lots of of those females — like Ma Rainey and Bessie Smith — had been queer. It is also really worth observing that in dark queer communities of this 1920s and 1930s, “daddy” generally labeled masculine-presenting ladies and transmasculine people. Without Ebony queer females and Ebony trans individuals, the phrase “daddy” would not have grown to be the goals nowadays.

Regarding Stage and Monitor

When “daddy” turned into a typical phase of endearment and crave in prominent music by dark artists, your message made its way into sectors which have usually excluded dark musicians whilst still being marginalize Ebony performers today. Yep, I’m dealing with musical theater and Hollywood. Listed below are two examples:

In 1938, the white, queer author Cole Porter had written a track for your musical

Let It Rest If You Ask Me!

known as
“My Personal Heart Is Assigned To Daddy.”
It is more about a “sweet billionaire” whom offers up the musical’s ingenue (oh, plus in the first generation, Mary Martin performed the tune while
doing a striptease
). The tune hearkened to earlier in the day descriptions of “daddy” as a monetary supplier.

The 1952 music comedy

Gentlemen Like Blondes

leans about exact same concept of the word. In this wildly prominent movie, Marilyn Monroe played a showgirl known as Lorelei Lee who is interested to a wealthy guy called Gus. And what is actually Lorelei’s animal title for Gus
in the film
? You guessed it — daddy.

But while straight, white, cis folks had been gleefully phoning their rich fans “daddy,” a residential district of leather-clad gay dudes were additionally claiming the word as their own.

At The Beginning Of Gay Leather Customs

After World War II, gay pros happened to be desperate for area, so that they
launched bike organizations
. These groups supplied companionship and marketed a hypermasculine, “rugged” visual (think Marlon Brando in

The Wild One

), which was at probabilities with gay sterotypes associated with the period. The garments and accessories worn by guys in motorcycle clubs turned into signifiers for gay guys who were available to checking out kink (leather coats, fabric boots, etc.). Sometimes their unique D/s dynamics got the type of “Daddy/boy” interactions, which are still the main fabric area now.

Daddy/boy dynamics change widely. While these interactions might include sex, SADO MASO, and/or father/son part play, they’re not constantly sexual (and so they never include genuine incest). Often daddies tend to be teachers. For the introduction to

Carrying it out For Daddy: Short and Sensuous Fiction About An Extremely Forbidden Fantasy

, Patrick Califia writes, “unnecessary teenagers still need to struggle alone utilizing the concern, how much does it suggest to enjoy or wish another man? What kind of person really does that make me? Exactly what will it do to the remainder of my entire life?” Having a “(Leather) Daddy” enables “boys” for treatment and assistance as they browse their new queer identities.

In Leatherdyke Society

Whenever queer females and trans individuals
found a home for the fabric society
(Samois, the very first lesbian S/M class in the US, was established in 1978), they implemented Daddy/boy and Daddy/girl interactions, also. In
“Leatherdyke Boys and Their Daddies: Just How To Have Intercourse Without Girls Or Men,”
C. Jacob Hales explains, “…’leatherdyke males’ are xxx lesbian (dyke) women exactly who embody a particular number of masculinities intelligible within queer leather (SM) communities; their ‘daddies’ may be butch leatherdykes or, much less often, gay leathermen.”

In 1992, the S/M party The Outcasts hosted the very first Dyke Daddy contest in bay area. In

Dagger: On Butch Ladies

, Dyke Daddy champion B.C. Cliver says, “I don’t consider dyke daddies tend to be a fad. I believe of it more as another facet of ladies’ sexuality which is at long last reach the area. The thoughts were usually here, only presently there’s a label for them. ‘Daddy’ is a lot closer to which Im than ‘Mistress.”

Like daddies described in Hale’s article plus the daddies of early Black lesbian tradition, Cliver’s father identity is actually linked with masculine sex appearance, and it’s also tied to caregiving. “Part of it’s getting a butch very top,” Cliver mentioned. “But getting a daddy means there are many inflammation involved. Maybe permits butch dykes to give the type of nuturing you’ll as a mother.”

Into the 21st Century

These days, “daddy” is used both within and outside of the fabric society. “Daddy” might consider a top/Dom, a mentor, or an attractive (usually older or dominating) individual of every gender or positioning. Additionally, it is an enjoyable subject to toss into character play or SADO MASO. During the LGBTQ+ society, there are femme daddies, trans daddies, butch daddies, bear daddies, leather daddies, and. In recent years, the word “daddy” happens to be turning up over and over again onscreen,
in the news
, and — real to their beginnings —  in music, primarily by Black females.

You can also find the phase all over Autostraddle in articles like,
“View Through The Leading: Daddy,”
“discover Your Fit: The Non-binary Queer prepared to end up being a Femme Daddy,”
“Mommi Will Be The Brand New Daddy,”
“Hoochie Daddy Shorts, Described,”
“Is Carol Mommi or Daddy?”,
and you might also have heard of alternative spelling: “Daddi.”

Some tips about what Their Excellency,
Dark Queer Dom
must state towards history and cultural framework with this spelling:

“Daddi with an ‘i’ uses a long collection of dark genderqueer and trans folks generating places between vocabulary in regards to our identities. Just like the word ‘Boi,’ ‘Daddi’ references a particular room of genderqueer maleness that’s imbued using energy of Blackness. I imagined I was the only one using it until I met
Jae Rice
, a DJ and activist from Chicago. ‘Daddi’ is actually naturally genderqueer and grounded on the Ebony knowledge.”

In Their Words

I needed to learn more about the methods queer ladies and trans folks are currently by using the word “dadd(y/i),” and so I attained out to some daddies attain some point of view. Here is what they had to say:

“for me, becoming a daddy is approximately caretaking. We thrive in that vibrant, to exhibit upwards for individuals mentally and literally. It is plenty deeper than intercourse, though that’s a big bit of father identification. We consider myself a 24/7 daddy the above factors, and also as far as sexual content material goes, it is my kink identification also. Kink and intercourse are not always intertwined, but for all of those contexts, becoming a daddy can make myself feel confident and happy. Taking care of someone during a scene, even though it really is vicious as hell, is indeed rewarding. In my experience, being a daddy means reinventing and reimagined male caretaking energy, there’s numerous layers to this.”

— Cj (aka

“i am beachy in the day time hours and Leather Daddy by night. I love getting a character called ‘Daddy Rey.’ permits me to feel motivated. Getting a Dominant lets myself have my girls exercise working out of soon after policies being on the best behavior. If they are dirty, I get to make use of abuse to fix disobedience. This type of me gets thrilled because I have to wear leather jeans and my refined armed forces footwear in public places. These spots are queer kink cell places.”


“My queerness and manliness tend to be intrinsically connected with becoming a a Daddi — they have already been. Caretaking, chivalry, discipline, strength, security, and control are deeply inserted in great Daddies. I’ve been a gentleman since I was actually some lady. It is also the things I spent my youth around — old-school butches and Masculine of Center folx which created space for my personal delicate energy to thrive. It really is in which i discovered my self. This combined with being a life coach and coach (within my daily work) created the best violent storm in my situation becoming a Dominant Daddi.

Although people determine as Daddies in an intimate framework (therefore want to view it!), there was a huge difference in starting to be a Dominant Daddi or expert Daddi. Intimate Daddies are covers. They enjoy providing intimately as well as the power play of need. Getting a Daddi is at my personal key, along with a kinky context, it needs great discipline and includes a great amount of obligation. As a Daddi, I am responsible for another person’s health — their own growth and training as a submissive. The very best myth about kink/BDSM is that its purely sexual. It really is a place of power trade and release. Relating to Black kink, it’s actually an effective healing modality — one which I take tremendous satisfaction in supplying to Ebony ladies.”

— Their Particular Excellency,
Dark Queer Dom

I am watching plenty of similarities right here. Of these individuals, their particular dadd(y/i) identities tend to be tied to dominance in a BDSM framework, caregiving, and manliness. But these are merely three dadd(y/i)s, and like almost every other phase i have defined yet within series, “dadd(y/i)” often means various things to different communities and people. How do you utilize the term “daddy?” Reveal for the responses!

Prior to going!

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